The Mystery of What Confirmed My Faith

This is the third article in the series about what confirmed my faith. The first was the actual experience. The second was looking back at what I was saying on social media shortly after the event. Here I would like to talk about the difficulty of interpreting the experience.

The experience is what gave me the faith I have today. Of that I am sure. But I am finding some things out, or rather, I am questioning the experience or how I am interpreting it.

Let me start by saying that I have pondered what it means for my faith if the experience I had with this man is built on a faulty premise. I cannot deny what it was like to talk to this man. That is beyond doubt for me. But what if the origin of what gave me my faith is false in another way? Well, the thing that this experience led to is my studying apologetics. I am not a huge bookworm, but I come across enough Christian apologetics content to be dangerous. I have more resources than I have read. So if I ever find myself in a stage of doubt, those books will be the first place I will go. Not only that, but I find that one argument in particular by Gary Habermas is especially powerful, which is the six minimal facts for the resurrection. In other words, I have no reason to doubt my faith. Having said that, if I did find myself giving up the Christian faith, I would not be an atheist. I would probably go to some spiritual beliefs like New Age or something. Why? Because I have had experiences, I cannot deny that it was supernatural. So, in that way, I have even more confidence that the supernatural is real than I do that Christianity is true. Of course, my faith is very strong at this point. I could do more, of course, as we all could. I could study more. I could read the Bible more. I could go to church more often. Ect, etc.

Now, why am I even questioning the source of this experience? First, a recap of the experience. I met a man who I had never seen before and have not seen since. I know it was not a hallucination due to my mental illness because I not only heard him, but I saw him, touched him, and even fed him. It would also have been unlike any other hallucination I have ever experienced, both in terms of how real it was and the emotional impact of what it was as an extremely positive experience, and all the other hallucinations I have had have been very negative. Why am I questioning this experience? Because the man more or less claimed to be Christ. That is the mystery of what confirmed my faith. He didn't say it directly, but that is just the way he talked. He would phrase things a lot, such as "Maybe x, y, z happens," and it was like he was reading my mind when he made these statements. Anyways, it was because he indirectly claimed to be Christ that I question this experience. I would be VERY SLOW to say it was actually Christ. Why? Who else have you ever heard of in the whole history of the Church who was visited by Christ in the flesh? That is quite different from a vision or dream, btw. Would I consider myself the kind of person whom Christ would even want to make a direct visit to? No! Not at all! I talk about this in my view on soteriology, but basically, I think God gives special revelation to people with remarkable character, and he chooses these people because of their character. I have a pretty rotten character in comparison. I would never consider myself worthy of something like that. However, my view on soteriology is different from that of this experience. So it is because this man claimed to be Christ that I can only assume three or four options. Those options are: He was Christ Himself. Why he would visit me, I have no idea. The next extreme option is that it was Satan or a demon. That doesn't really make sense since I spoke and engaged with him in the flesh. It could have been meant to deceive me, but the Lord prevailed. The third option would be that it was some sort of anti-Christ of some sort. Either an anti-Christ or a false prophet. Forth option would be that it was a holy prophet who was gravely mistaken or fell into a grave sin at just the wrong time but God still used him to speak into my life. Finally, it could have been a crazy person, but that does not explain how the guy could be so prophetic, his knowledge of the Word, and understanding the Kingdom of Heaven more than anyone else I have ever met.

Whoever the man was, it gave me the experience I needed to draw near to Christ. From there, I have developed tools to be sure of my faith. Honestly, as much as I am undecided about this experience, it strangely does not feel like a dilemma as it used to. I used to be perplext about it considering the idea that I could be an Apostle or one of the Two Witnesses. But at this point, until I know more, I am content to just be a faithful Christian. I am nothing special. Really. Honestly. I have had my difficulties, but I also have my sins. I am not a holy man and I hope no one ever gets that idea in their head that I am better than anyone else. I would not put myself at the top of the list when it comes to morality. I have some rather bad habits and Satan has some footholds in my life. But I love Jesus. I find I love Jesus more every year. I find I look back over the last six years from the time of this experience and find my capacity to love other people has sky rocketed since I was first called by God to be a Christian. I was not a nice person before. I was also VERY reactionary. I would often really overreact to things. So, it is only due to the grace of God that I have some composure. Not only is my capacity to love others greatly increased, but my mental health is worlds different than it used to be. I can attribute some of this to medication, but that is not the whole story. God has certainly been healing my mind.

In the end, it is not the experience itself that I know Christianity is true, but I know it is true for many reasons, including apologetics and other personal experiences involving miracles, visions, dreams, prophecies, and the like.

In any case, I hope you can read this article and know that I used to really struggle with what it meant for me about this experience given that I seriously entertained the idea that it could be Christ in the flesh I spoke to that day. Now, though, I just view it as the thing that got me on the right track. Salvation is a process, and even if the base is faulty, God can use anything for His glory. Salvation is a process, not a one-and-done event. What good is your faith if you become complacent? We must always examine ourselves to see if we are being honest with our faith. Are we trying to do the right thing? Pursuing truth? Being a loving person? Fighting sin? These are just some of the things that are so important in the Christian walk with Christ.

Also, know that I do not consider myself worthy to be blessed by the grace of God. He is truly merciful. I am nothing without my King, Savior, Master, and Lord.

That's it for this one!

God Bless you! Until Next time!